In my coaching, I often hear people say they could cope with the nerves if only no one could notice them. The real fear is not the presentation. It is the fear of looking nervous.
I have written before about the shame many people feel around visible nerves. This article focuses on something more practical. What you can do to look confident even when you do not yet feel it. Or, to put it another way, how to fake it until you feel it.
Before we get into the tips, here is some reassuring news.
You almost certainly look more confident than you think.
Surveys consistently show that more than 70 percent of people experience some level of fear of public speaking. Yet most speakers look reasonably composed most of the time. Most people are much better at hiding nerves than they realise.
Watching yourself on video often confirms this. You may feel your heart racing or your stomach churning, but those sensations are largely invisible to your audience. Recognising this can be a relief in itself. Once you stop assuming your nerves are on full display, it becomes much easier to work on the things that genuinely influence how confident you look.
Eliminate distracting habits
Small physical habits can quietly undermine your credibility. Hand clasping, rocking, leg crossing, constant shifting. They signal discomfort, even when your words are strong.
The fastest way to spot them is to watch yourself on video with the sound off. This helps you focus on movement rather than getting distracted by your voice or content.
Awareness comes first. Change comes second. With practice, these habits fade, and you no longer need to consciously monitor them.
Learn to pause and hold eye contact
Confident speakers do not rush.
Two of the simplest ways to project confidence are pausing and sustained eye contact. Both feel uncomfortable at first. Both are powerful.
A pause gives weight to what you have said. It allows the audience to absorb your message. It signals that you have just said something important and are in control. The right pause is usually just a fraction longer than feels natural to you.
The same is true for eye contact. Holding someone’s gaze for a moment longer than feels comfortable can feel exposing, but to the audience, it reads as calm, assured and connected.
Interestingly, these behaviours do not just make you look confident. They often help you feel more settled as well.
Stop apologising
Many speakers open by undermining themselves.
“I have not had much time to prepare.”
“This will not take long.”
“I know you would rather be having morning tea.”
These are usually attempts to manage anxiety, but they have the opposite effect. They lower expectations and weaken your authority before you have even begun.
If something genuinely needs acknowledging, do so calmly and briefly. Otherwise, resist the urge to apologise for being there. Your audience has already agreed to listen.
Pay attention to your self-talk
This is where many people struggle the most.
While you are speaking, a harsh internal commentary often runs alongside the presentation.
“You look nervous.”
“They can tell.”
“This is not going well.”
This kind of self-talk pulls your attention inward and amplifies anxiety. Confident speakers are not free of nerves. They are simply not focused on judging themselves in the moment.
A helpful shift is to move from performance mode to service mode. Instead of asking “How am I doing?”, ask “What does this audience need from me right now?”
Most of the time, people are not scrutinising you. They are thinking about their own work, their own challenges, and whether what you are saying is useful to them. Remembering this can take a surprising amount of pressure off.
Consider power poses, with perspective
There is a well-known TED Talk by Amy Cuddy that suggests adopting open, expansive body postures before speaking can increase feelings of confidence. The original explanation focused on hormone changes, which has since been challenged.
More recent research supports a simpler conclusion. Open postures tend to make people feel more powerful, even if the biological mechanism is not fully understood.
The key point is this. There is little downside. If standing or sitting in an open, grounded posture helps you arrive feeling more composed, it is worth including in your preparation routine.
Final thoughts
With a little awareness and deliberate practice, you can look confident even when you feel nervous.
Some people worry that this idea of “faking it” conflicts with advice to be authentic. I do not see a contradiction. Acting confidently is not the same as being fake. It simply allows others to see you at your best, rather than your most anxious.
Behaviour shapes belief. When you act with confidence, even imperfectly, your self-talk starts to soften. Over time, you stop faking it because you genuinely feel more at ease.
Confidence, like public speaking itself, is a skill you can acquire.
