Imagine you are in a room full of people and a fire breaks out. You are the only person who can direct people to safety. Would you spend even one millisecond hesitating because you are nervous about speaking in front of a group? Of course not.
I like this analogy because it shows the extreme. When a message matters and feels urgent, fear retreats very quickly. Your focus shifts away from yourself and onto what needs to be done.
Most speaking situations are not life or death. But every time you speak, you still have a purpose. You still have something of value to offer the people in front of you.
Here is a much more everyday example.
I once worked with a client who was deeply worried about speaking at his daughter’s 21st birthday. He was anxious about what to say and how he would come across. I reminded him that at a 21st, people are not focused on the parent. They are focused on the daughter. All anyone expects is to hear how much she is loved, and to enjoy a few stories that reflect who she is.
To anyone outside the situation, this seems obvious. Yet many of us would react exactly as my client did. Under pressure, it is very easy to slip into “What will they think of me?” rather than “How can I best acknowledge my daughter?”
This shift, from performance to purpose, sits at the heart of managing public speaking anxiety.
When you stand in front of an audience, it can feel as if everything is about you. That belief fuels anxiety because it makes you feel judged. In reality, most audiences are paying very little attention to you as a person. They may be listening to your words, but they are also thinking about what they need to do next, how long the talk will last, or the email they forgot to send.
Unless you are exceptionally good or remarkably bad, you are not the main focus. For each individual in the audience, the experience is largely about them, not you.
Thinking about purpose rather than performance is powerful for three reasons.
First, it helps you connect with your audience.
In one-on-one conversations, we can easily distinguish between someone who is genuinely interested in us and someone who is trying to impress. The first listens, makes eye contact, and responds thoughtfully. The second is often more focused on how they are coming across.
The same dynamic plays out in public speaking. A self-absorbed speaker, even a confident one, can come across as arrogant. A self-conscious speaker can make an audience feel slightly uncomfortable. In both cases, there is a barrier between speaker and audience.
Ironically, the thing both types of speakers want most, the approval of the audience, only arrives when they stop thinking about themselves and start thinking about serving the people in front of them. When an audience senses that you are there for them, engagement follows naturally.
Second, focusing on purpose helps you serve your audience better.
Every audience has different needs. A high-performing athlete speaking to students might focus on belief, effort, and possibility. The same athlete speaking to a group of older adults might talk instead about relationships, perspective, and gratitude.
In both cases, the speaker is not delivering a generic message. They are adapting their message to meet the audience where they are.
When you think about purpose, you are far more likely to give your audience something that genuinely matters to them.
Third, connecting with and serving your audience calms your nerves.
There is something deeply reassuring about knowing you have connected and that your message is landing. That sense of contribution often replaces the initial rush of anxiety with confidence.
Let’s return to the father speaking at his daughter’s 21st. If he tells stories designed to make himself look like a great parent, the room will probably feel awkward. But if he tells stories that show how much he cares about her, the audience will feel warmth towards him. They will laugh, even if the jokes are not particularly strong. That response feeds back into his confidence and eases his nerves.
So what if you do not feel a strong sense of purpose?
Purpose does not have to mean a grand or noble cause. It is certainly helpful if you are speaking about something you care deeply about. When the urge to share feels bigger than you, fear often takes a back seat.
But even when the topic feels ordinary, there is still a purpose. You are there to acknowledge someone, to inform, to clarify, to reassure, or to help people think differently. If you can be clear about that purpose and show your audience that you have thought about their needs, they are far more likely to respond positively.
And when they do, public speaking becomes less about being judged and more about being useful.
