For years, I considered ‘doing something’ about my public speaking anxiety, but I put it off until I experienced a full-blown panic attack. Even then, it took me 6 months to act.
Many people live with a fear of public speaking for years. They avoid situations, turn down opportunities, lose sleep before meetings, and quietly hope they will never be asked to stand up and speak. Deciding to do something about it is often accompanied by a surge of relief and optimism. Finally, you are taking control.
But that feeling does not always last.
Once the decision is made, reality kicks in. You realise that doing something about your fear means effort, discomfort, and showing up when you would rather stay safe. This is where many people stall.
In my experience, there are three very common traps that stop people from following through. I definitely fell into the first two – and see clients fall into the third. If you are aware of them, you can avoid them.
Trap One: Procrastination
Addressing a fear of public speaking takes time and focus. Most courses run over several weeks. Toastmasters requires an ongoing commitment. Coaching involves regular practice and reflection.
It is very easy to decide that now is not the right time.
You might tell yourself you are too busy at work. The timing is awkward. Money is tight. You will feel more ready later. There will always be a reason to delay.
The truth is, there is rarely a perfect time. Waiting for one usually means waiting forever.
If you have decided to take a course or join a programme, my strongest advice is this: prioritise it. Treat it as something important, not optional. That may mean putting a few other things on hold for a while.
If cost is a concern and you are in paid employment, talk to your manager. Public speaking is a core professional skill in many roles. Many organisations are willing to fund training or allow time off for professional development. People are often surprised by how supportive their manager is once they ask.
I have had countless people I have worked with tell me their only regret was not acting sooner – a regret I share!
Trap Two: Talking yourself out of it
Once you start looking at your options, the excitement can quickly be replaced by self-doubt.
Your internal dialogue might sound familiar.
- Everyone else will be better than me.
- What if it does not work for me?
- Public speaking is not that important. I have managed to avoid it so far.
This is your inner critic at work.
Tara Mohr, in her book Playing Big, explains that the job of the inner critic is to keep you safe. Anything that involves stepping outside your comfort zone will be labelled as risky or dangerous. Learning to speak in front of others does exactly that.
Instead of fighting these thoughts, acknowledge them. Then slow them down.
Ask yourself, calmly and honestly: What is the worst that could happen?
Do not catastrophise it in your head. Write it down.
Perhaps your worst fear is that the course will be stressful, you will feel exposed, it will not work, and you will waste your money. Those are understandable fears. But once they are written down, you can start to challenge them.
You can reduce risk by researching the course properly. Look for reviews. Ask questions. Talk to past participants. Fully commit once you start, as most lack of progress comes from people dropping out when things feel uncomfortable. Ask about what happens if you persevere but still struggle.
Then balance that list with another question that is just as important.
What is the worst that could happen if you do nothing?
For many people, the answers include things like:
- It will limit my career options
- I will keep avoiding situations and feeling anxious
- I might be put on the spot one day with no support
- I will regret not being able to speak at important personal events
Now ask the opposite question.
What is the best that could happen if I follow through?
This often brings a very different emotional response:
- New career opportunities
- No more dread before presentations
- A sense of control instead of avoidance
- Being able to speak from the heart at weddings, funerals, or milestones
Both lists matter. One taps into fear. The other taps into hope. Pay attention to which one motivates you more.
Choosing the right support
Once you are ready to act, you need to decide how you are going to do it.
Broadly, there are two main options. You can commit to a club like Toastmasters, or you can do a shorter, more targeted course or coaching programme. Many people do both at different stages.
If your primary goal is to reduce fear and anxiety, make sure the option you choose includes practical speaking, not just observation. Watching others speak can be useful, but it does not retrain your nervous system. You need supported practice.
Fear-less courses and coaching are designed specifically for people whose main goal is to address fear, not just polish technique.
One practical point I often share. Very few people withdraw from a course once they have registered and paid a deposit. Making a concrete commitment matters.
Trap Three: Giving up when it gets hard
Even when you do everything right, there will be moments when you feel like quitting.
This work is rewarding, but it is not always easy. You may feel exposed. You may compare yourself to others. You may have a session that feels like a setback.
This is normal.
A few strategies make a big difference.
Do not compare yourself to others. Everyone starts from a different place. Your progress is personal and not a competition.
Tell someone outside the course or coaching what you are doing. A friend, colleague, or manager can help keep you accountable. Close family members often mean well, but they can sometimes encourage you to quit because they hate seeing you stressed. They do not always see the long-term benefit.
Manage your expectations. I tell my clients to be realistic about what they will achieve in 6 weeks, but ambitious about how good they could eventually become. A short course can make a huge difference, but becoming a confident, skilled speaker is a long-term journey. Progress is rarely linear. Feeling like you are going backwards at times is part of the process, not a failure.
A final thought
It’s not unusual for a client to contact me two years or more before they finally register for a course or coaching! I remember a course I had to cancel because of COVID. A year later, one of the original participants re-registered. On the first night, she told us that the day I cancelled the earlier course was the happiest day of her life! But the problem did not go away – and there she was a year later.
If you have decided to do something about your fear of public speaking, that decision alone deserves recognition.
When you start, congratulate yourself. When you finish, congratulate yourself again.
Not just for improving your speaking, but for keeping a promise to yourself and choosing courage over avoidance.
That choice has a habit of spilling into other parts of life too.
