Body language expert Mark Bowden tells a memorable story in his book “Winning Body Language”. A man came to him, desperate for help because he broke out in hives every time he presented. Instead of trying to “fix” the symptoms, Bowden encouraged him to do the exact opposite. Accept the fear. Stop fighting it. As Bowden puts it, “In just about all cases of stage fright, battling the fear is never the answer.”
Anyone who has struggled with public speaking knows how true this is. What we fear most is not the speech itself. It is the fear. We worry about the shaking, the sweating, the trembling voice. And once that fear kicks in, panic is not far behind.
When we try to fight fear, most of us reach for one of two unhelpful weapons.
Critical self-talk
You know the script. “Everyone else looks fine. Why can’t you just get it together? You look ridiculous. Stop being weak.”
You already feel like you are failing. This kind of talk simply deepens that sense of inadequacy.
Forced positive thinking
“Come on, you can do this. It’s fine. You will be great.” Or perhaps you repeat affirmations like “I am calm and confident.”
Affirmations can help some people, but forced positivity is difficult if your nervous system is already on high alert. Bowden points out that when we feel threatened, we are hard-wired to think pessimistically. So the moment panic rises, you are likely to flip straight back into self-criticism. “It’s happening again. I am not OK. This is going to go badly.”
So what can you do instead?
Before you present
Try a more neutral, realistic reframe. “I get nervous when I speak, but I am doing it anyway. The worst that will happen is that people might notice.” This approach is honest. It removes judgment. And it takes away the pressure to pretend everything is fine.
While you are presenting
If the wave of panic starts to rise, see if you can let it wash over you rather than fight it. The more you resist, the stronger it becomes. But if you let it crest and fall, it should start to lose its power.
And if you can speak despite feeling nervous, that is genuine progress. Start with environments designed to support you. Toastmasters is one of the safest places to practise because people genuinely want you to succeed. If it goes well, your confidence grows. If it does not go quite so well, you gather valuable evidence that nothing catastrophic happened.
Fear-less courses and coaching offer high-level of support for people with extreme public speaking anxiety.
Acknowledge your fear. Then gently turn your attention back to what matters. Not the symptoms. Not the fear. Your message.
Article written by Catherine Syme
