What Sparked Your Fear of Public Speaking – and What Should You Really Learn From It?

I was working with a banker recently when I asked him a simple question:
“Can you remember when your fear of public speaking began?”

At first, he couldn’t think of anything specific. But toward the end of our session, a memory surfaced.

He said:
“I think I know where it started. I was new in my role and attending a meeting with senior government stakeholders during COVID. Out of nowhere, my boss asked me to explain what we’d been observing about customer behaviour. I froze. I could hear myself talking in circles. Eventually, my manager had to step in. It was embarrassing—and things have only gotten worse since.”

Most people with public speaking anxiety have a triggering event. Many people can trace their anxiety back to an incident at school. A client told me that her anxiety started when a classmate commented that she was blushing during a speech—and just like that, she developed a fear of both public speaking and blushing.

Another was a confident speaker until he was thrown into presenting someone else’s PowerPoint slides—slides that didn’t make sense to him. He started out fine, but then the panic kicked in. After that, every speaking engagement felt risky.
​
An event promoter, usually full of confidence, had to pivot to promoting AV systems during COVID. She didn’t understand the technical side and suddenly felt like a fraud in front of her clients. 

As for me? I’ve told my story before—about having a panic attack in front of senior leadership. But truthfully, the root goes back much further. I was eight. I bombed a math test, and my teacher made me stand in front of the class and justify why I deserved to stay in the top math group. I was just a kid—frozen, humiliated, crying. That moment stayed with me for decades.

So, take a minute. Can you remember your triggering event? That first time you felt truly awful after speaking in front of others? Maybe you can pinpoint one—or maybe a few. If nothing comes up right away, that’s okay. Just keep reading. It might reveal itself.

Let’s take a short detour.

Think of something else in your life that went wrong—but taught you a valuable lesson. Maybe a job interview that flopped. A relationship that fell apart. Buying something expensive that turned out to be totally wrong. 

What did you learn? To prepare better next time? Communicate more openly? Avoid toxic people? Avoid impulsive purchases?

Now let’s go back to that triggering moment. What did you learn from it?

Chances are… you learned the wrong lesson. Maybe you decided you’re just not good at public speaking. That speaking in public = humiliation. That you can’t trust your memory. That you don’t really know what you’re talking about.

And here’s the thing—learning the wrong lesson has caused your public speaking anxiety – not the event itself. If you believe public speaking is something to avoid, your anxiety skyrockets every time you have to do it. If you believe you’ll panic, that belief makes it even more likely.

But what should you have learned?

Looking back, I realize my eight-year-old self blamed me for that humiliating math moment.  I should have been better prepared. But the truth? That teacher bullied me. Now, decades later, the real lesson I hold onto is this: I won’t let anyone use shame as a weapon. In fact, when I’ve been publicly challenged by a bully in my career since then, I’ve learned to call it out and stand my ground.

And for others, the right lesson might be about preparation. My banker client? He could have asked his manager what might come up in that meeting. The guy who stumbled through someone else’s slides? He could’ve asked to present the material in his own way—or requested time to get familiar with it.

In short: when you learn the wrong lesson, your response can be counterproductive. When you learn the right one, you can put in place measures to ensure the outcome will be different next time.

So, what about you?
What moment sparked your fear of public speaking—and what lesson are you ready to rewrite?

Written by Catherine Syme