Let’s Talk About the Fear No One Talks About

Let’s be honest—public speaking freaks a lot of us out. But here’s the thing… no one really talks about it.

Over the years, I’ve asked large audiences, “Raise your hand if you’ve never been nervous about public speaking.” At most, a few hands go up.  The rest sit there quietly, often exchanging knowing looks. Why? Because deep down, most of us have felt that fear. The stats back it up—public speaking ranks among the top fears for humans, right up there with death and spiders.
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Yet despite how common it is, so many people feel like they’re the only ones. Like it’s some kind of personal flaw. A shameful secret.

I run courses specifically for people who struggle with public speaking, and participants are often shocked to discover they’re not alone. Frequently they are high performers—lawyers, engineers, team leaders—who’ve quietly carried this fear for years. One man came to my evening class for six weeks, inventing a new excuse every time he had to leave work early. When I suggested just being honest with his manager, his response? “I can’t do that—it’ll make me look bad.”

This is what frustrates me: we’ve made huge progress normalizing mental health conversations at work. People now feel more comfortable opening up about depression, anxiety, even burnout. And that’s amazing. But public speaking anxiety? It still feels like the thing nobody wants to admit.

So, why is it so hard to talk about?

1. We Think Everyone Else Has It Figured Out
You’ve probably seen someone stumble during a presentation—maybe they blushed, or their hands shook slightly. But for every speaker who shows visible nerves, there are 50 others who are equally anxious… and just better at hiding it.

Here’s the trap: you’re comparing your internal chaos to someone else’s calm exterior. No one can see your pounding heart or churning stomach. I record videos of my clients speaking, and watching them back is often a huge revelation. One woman cried after seeing herself on screen—not because she did poorly, but because she finally realized how hard she had been on herself for no reason.

When we overestimate other people’s confidence, it becomes harder to admit our own fear. We start to feel like the odd one out. The broken one. And that’s just not true.

2. We’re Afraid We Won’t Be Taken Seriously
Here’s the paradox: because public speaking fear is so widespread, it’s easy for others to dismiss it. If you confide in your manager, they might brush it off with, “Oh, everyone gets nervous.” That may be true, but there’s a big difference between butterflies and full-blown panic.

And since you probably look confident, your boss might not grasp how deep your fear runs. This is even more likely for the extroverts among you. Many of the people who do my courses, tell me that because they are normally outgoing, everyone assumes they are confident speakers.

3. We Fear It Will Be Seen as a Liability
Let’s face it: communication skills are essential in many roles. So if you admit you struggle with public speaking, you might worry your boss will wonder whether you’re up to the task. Will they see it as a weakness? A reason to pass you up for that next big opportunity?

I once had a client who lied during a job interview, saying he “loved” public speaking—then immediately enrolled in my course to get over his fear!  Another worried that admitting his fear might make his boss laugh... or worse, question his ability to do the job.

I get it. The fear of being judged, underestimated, or sidelined is very real. But here’s the thing—avoiding the conversation doesn’t make the anxiety go away. It just keeps you stuck.

In reality, most managers will support you. Some of my clients have found, when they finally opened up, that their manager admitted to once having the same fear.   

4. At Its Core, It’s About Shame
This is the one that hits hardest. Public speaking anxiety isn’t just about nerves—it’s about shame. In a world that worships charisma and confidence, admitting you’re scared to speak up can feel like admitting weakness.

One client told me that walking into my course felt like showing up to an AA meeting—like he was confessing a deep, personal failure (his words, not mine). That kind of shame runs deep. And it’s totally undeserved.

We need to create workplaces where this fear is acknowledged, without being downplayed. Yes, it’s common—but that doesn’t mean everyone experiences it the same way. And it certainly doesn’t mean it’s no big deal.

So, What Can You Do?
If you’ve been hiding your fear, here’s a small but powerful challenge: tell two people you trust. Make one of them a colleague. Just be honest. Watch how they react. They might be surprised, or they might say “same!” Or maybe they’ll open up about their own struggles—with speaking, or something else entirely.

And if you feel like sharing, I’d love to hear what happened. Leave a comment on the blog or drop me an email.

The people who take my courses have already taken the first brave step. Some have the support of their managers. Others don’t. But I know there are so many more out there silently struggling—turning down opportunities, switching jobs, or staying small because they don’t feel safe asking for help.

We have to change that.

Public speaking anxiety is real. It can hold people back. But it doesn’t have to. With the right support, even the most anxious speakers can learn to speak confidently and be heard.

Let’s start talking about it.

Article written by Catherine Syme 

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