How to Survive Giving a Special Occasion Speech (And Even Enjoy It!)

​Most courses I run have at least 1 or 2 people attending because they have a wedding speech looming.

I also have clients who are still haunted by a ‘disastrous’ wedding speech in the past. For example, someone recently told me that he was nervous the whole day before his wedding because he was dreading his speech.  Often such an experience is the impetus for them to register for a course. 

It is a shame that the joy of such an occasion can be overshadowed by having to do a speech!  But it doesn't have to be that way. 

This article is less about the mechanics of writing a special occasion speech and more about how to ensure that the speech doesn’t ruin your experience of the occasion. 

It is not just wedding speeches – big birthday parties and anniversaries usually have speeches. I will refer mainly to weddings – but the same principles apply to any big occasion.  
​
Be prepared
Start preparing well in advance. If you feel anxious, you could even take a public speaking course in the months leading up to the wedding. Use it to practice your speech and grow your confidence.

Try to have the speech written a couple of months in advance. Procrastinating or blocking out that you have a speech coming up won’t help. You will end up writing it at the last minute, making things worse. There is no downside to being well-prepared!

Once you have figured out what to say, you need to practice. I will return to this later in the article.

The audience is easily pleased 
Think back to the last wedding you attended as a guest. Did you attend for the purpose of judging the speeches? Of course not! You hoped the speeches would be short and entertaining. But as long as they were short, you didn’t care if they were not entertaining - and I bet you had forgotten about them by the next day!

The audience expects a few kind words about the people you are celebrating and a story or two. That’s it. You don’t have to be witty, clever or polished. The sentiment is more important than humour – even if you are the best man. 

Don’t get me wrong. Stories are easy to remember and engaging for the audience. And if they are funny, the audience’s laughter will make you feel more relaxed. But don’t feel pressured to come up with hilarious stories. People will respond just as well to a story that illustrates the good qualities of the people you are celebrating. 

It is not about you
One of my favourite sayings is, “we would worry less about what others think of us if we realised how little they do!”

Unless the occasion is your own wedding, birthday or anniversary, it is not about you! If you can stop worrying about what others will think of you and focus on the happy couple, this will reduce your nerves and make you a better speaker.

If it goes badly, no one will remember (except you!)
The only speeches that people talk about afterwards are inappropriate ones! Avoid embarrassing the bride and groom, and no one will remember your speech unless it is outstandingly good. Even then, a year later, they may remember that they enjoyed your speech, but they won’t remember much about what you said!

I have heard many social occasion speeches over the years, but I have little recollection of most of them. The one I remember most clearly was finding out at my own wedding that I had been a welcome ‘surprise’ to my parents!

I frequently meet people still dwelling on memories of giving a speech at a social occasion that they believe went badly. But here is the interesting thing. I rarely hear people talk about seeing someone else’s speech that went badly. There are many reasons for this:

- No one looks as nervous as they think they do. Your butterflies and pounding heart are not visible! I video course participants partly to prove this! I get regular emails from people saying, ‘wow, you are right; I don’t look nearly as nervous as I thought!’

- You remember your mistakes! The negativity bias means you will focus on what went badly and dismiss or forget the rest. The audience will be left with an overall impression and quickly overlook small mistakes.

- No one cares! At a social occasion, people are there to celebrate and enjoy themselves. They don’t care if you blush, trip over words, say you are nervous or forget half your speech. They will likely laugh along with you and forget it five minutes later.

To memorise or not to memorise? 
I don’t often recommend that people memorise a speech or presentation – but I make an exception for weddings/big events. Whether you decide to memorise it or just learn it thoroughly is your choice. But if you choose to memorise, you must understand what that requires.

You have three options:
1 - Read the speech
This is the least engaging option and not one I would recommend in the workplace. But it is acceptable in a social situation. Read if you must - but think of this option as your last resort. If you suffer from extreme anxiety, it will get you through. However, it won’t make it any easier next time.

2 - Memorise the structure, key points and punch lines
This is the best option for most people. It requires you to be very familiar with the content and flow of your speech, but every time you practice it, the words should be a bit different. You will sound natural and engaging, and it is easier than memorising your speech.

If you choose this option, you could take a few notes or cue cards to help remind you what comes next.

Memorise your opening statement and jokes as you want to get these right. But the rest of it should be more free-flowing.

3 - Memorise the whole speech
Only choose this option if you are willing to spend hours learning by heart. To pull this off, you need to know it, as well as an actor knows their lines. I would start to learn the speech at least six weeks before the event -and practice it every day. This might sound over the top, but any less, and you risk forgetting. If you partially memorise, you may also sound robotic, as if you are trying hard to retrieve the speech from your memory.

To drink or not to drink? 
Although alcohol can relax you, it can also slur your speech and muddle your brain! And it can make you more emotional. One or two drinks are probably OK – but wait until you have finished your speech before you have more! 

Summing up
Here is a great article about two speeches at a wedding.  Make sure you watch both the videos! The first speech went viral on Tik Tok as the speaker embarrassed herself and the guests by making racist comments. She was also clearly unprepared. The second speech is from the heart. The speaker has notes and doesn't say anything particularly memorable. But it is real and sincere. 

Don’t worry about
- Being funny or clever
- Mistakes
- Looking nervous
- Using a few notes.

Do worry about
- Being well prepared
- Acknowledging people and occasion
- Being sober
- Keeping it brief.
​
If you follow this advice, you will get through the occasion with minimal stress, and your speech should be well-received. You may even enjoy it!! 

Article written by Catherine Syme 

If you enjoyed this article and would like to read more, please register for our newsletter and you will receive a free eBook with our five most popular articles in 2022. You can unsubscribe at any time.